Sunday, February 03, 2008

XL...30-10 club...holy shit

On this day in history:
* 1690 - The colony of Massachusetts issues the first paper money in America. - The Kennedy family almost certainly enters politics shortly thereafter.
* 1783 - American Revolutionary War: Spain recognizes United States independence. - I wonder if they'd like a do-over...
* 1809 - The Illinois Territory is created. - The Illinois Territory has not been kind to me over the years...
* 1870 - The Fifteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution is ratified, granting voting rights to citizens regardless of race. - Politicians immediately begin pretending this didn't happen.
* 1913 - The Sixteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution is ratified, authorizing the Federal government to impose and collect an income tax. - Not so much from rich people, mind you...mainly regular folks.
* 1917 - World War I: The United States breaks off diplomatic relations with Germany a day after the former announced a new policy of unrestricted submarine warfare. - I had to do something similar myself, recently...
* 1930 - The Communist Party of Vietnam is established. - I wonder if they'd like a do-over...
* 1941 - World War II: Nazi Germany forcibly restores Pierre Laval to office in occupied Vichy, France. - Serve, you Frenchy bitch...serve!
* 1944 - World War II: United States troops capture the Marshall Islands. - Which we would then go on to obliterate with nuclear tests. Go team!
* 1945 - World War II: The Soviet Union agrees to enter the Pacific Theatre conflict against Japan. - The U.S. proceeds to nuke the shit out of Japan, anyway. Go team!
* 1959 - A plane crash near Clear Lake, Iowa kills Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, and The Big Bopper. - Bye bye, Miss American pie...
* 1966 - The unmanned Soviet Luna 9 spacecraft makes the first controlled rocket-assisted landing on the Moon. - NASA currently working on plans to retrieve the craft for auction on Ebay.
* 1967 - Ronald Ryan, the last person to be executed in Australia, is hanged in Pentridge Prison, Melbourne. - Fortunately, we're more civilized here in America.
* 1969 - In Cairo, Yasser Arafat is appointed Palestine Liberation Organization leader at the Palestinian National Congress. - Didn't I hear he was gay or something...?
* 1974 - Science fiction author Philip K. Dick reportedly has a gnostic religious experience or theophany, later recounted in his books Valis and Radio Free Albemuth. - Uhhh huh-huh. His name was "Dick."
* 1988 - Iran-Contra Affair: The United States House of Representatives rejects President Ronald Reagan's request for $36.25 million to aid Nicaraguan Contras. - Really put him in his place, didn't it?
* 1989 - After a stroke, P.W. Botha resigns party leadership and the presidency of South Africa. - Almost twenty years later, Dick Cheney miraculously continues to tell the Grim Reaper to go fuck himself.
* 1998 - Karla Faye Tucker is executed in Texas becoming the first woman executed in the United States since 1984. - We are pioneers, after all...
* 1998 - Cavalese cable-car disaster: a United States Military pilot causes the death of 20 people when his low-flying plane cuts the cable of a cable-car near Trento, Italy. - The few, the proud, the Ugly American.
* 2007 - A Baghdad market bombing kills at least 135 people and injures a further 339. - In America, nobody notices.

Births:
* 1811 - Horace Greeley, American journalist, editor, and publisher (d. 1872). - Wonder if he regretted that whole "Go west" thing...
* 1859 - Hugo Junkers, German aircraft designer (d. 1935). - I've flown in some Junkers.
* 1874 - Gertrude Stein, American writer (d. 1946). - Was more fascinated with vaginas than any human being since. Wait, that was Georgia O'Keefe. Whatever.
* 1894 - Norman Rockwell, American illustrator (d. 1978). - Introduces "quaint" as a bona fide artistic technique.
* 1904 - Pretty Boy Floyd, American gangster (d. 1934). - Given nickname by parakeet.
* 1907 - James Michener, American author (d. 1997). - Took one word and ran with it. Repeatedly.
* 1913 - Richard Seaman, British racing driver (d. 1939). - Uhhh huh-huh. His name was "Seaman."
* 1918 - Joey Bishop, American entertainer, member of the Rat Pack (d. 2007). - If not for Sammy Davis, Jr., he'd have been the least sleazy member.
* 1920 - Henry Heimlich, American physician. - An impressive maneuver on his momma's part.
* 1940 - Fran Tarkenton, American football player. - Ran around on the field like a chicken with his head cut off; later hosted "That's Incredible!", which was anything but.
* 1941 - Neil Bogart, American record executive (d. 1982). - Gave us Kiss and Donna Summer. Or paid for them, anyway.
* 1943 - Blythe Danner, American actress. - Excellent name.
* 1945 - Bob Griese, American football player. - Terrible name.
* 1947 - Dave Davies, British musician (The Kinks). - For whatever reason, The Kinks have always whipped my ass.
* 1950 - Morgan Fairchild, American actress. - And Dallas native. We're having a party at Medieval Times together tonight.
* 1952 - Fred Lynn, American baseball player. - Go BoSox!
* 1956 - Nathan Lane, American actor. - Greatness.
* 1956 - Lee Ranaldo, American musician (Sonic Youth). - I did not know this. Priddy friggin' cool.
* 1968 - Vlade Divac, Serbian professional basketball player. - I'm guessing that made Vlade very happy. (Lost on anyone who's not a regular Ticket listener...)
* 1968 - me, American...guy. - Asks everyone to please not do the math on this one.
* 1972 - Mart Poom, Estonian football player. - I declare "Mart Poom" the greatest name in the history of names.

Deaths:
* 1468 - Johannes Gutenberg, German publisher. - Is personally responsible for James Michener and Norman Rockwell.
* 1924 - Woodrow Wilson, 28th President of the United States, Nobel laureate (b. 1856). - He's in my top three...
* 1959 - Also known as The Day the Music Died because of the deaths of:
Buddy Holly, American singer (b. 1936)
Ritchie Valens, American singer (b. 1941)
J.P. "The Big Bopper" Richardson, American singer (b. 1930)
- Buddy Holly, for sure. The other guys...sorry, that's harsh.
* 1985 - Frank Oppenheimer, American physicist (b. 1912). - Wonder if we gave him a 21-nuke salute somewhere...
* 1989 - John Cassavetes, American actor (b. 1929). - What's Yr Take on Cassavetes?
* 1996 - Audrey Meadows, American actress (b. 1926). - Sent to the moon.
* 1998 - Karla Faye Tucker, American murderer (b. 1959). - In your face, Australia!
* 2003 - Lana Clarkson, American actress (b. 1962). - You know, it's entirely plausible that there were worse possible outcomes from hanging out with Phil Spector...

This time next week, I should be making acquaintance with my three new roommates. That is a gift.

Peace...out.

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2 Comments:

Anonymous wendy said...

As I kept reading, and reading, and reading, I was laughing to myself. Why, you ask? Because I, Danny, am incredibly witty? Well yes, my friend, you are. But mostly because you had just told me on the phone that you had posted a SHORT blog in honor of your b-day. hehe...

Sending you much love on your birthday, sweetie. You are the best.

2:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy birthday!

2:31 PM  

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