Saturday, February 02, 2008

How gay am I...?

Answer: pretty darn.

First off, I'd like to express my thanks and sympathies to my bestest friend, Wendy. She's had to endure two months solid of listening to me and my various existential crises. As a person...she just rocks like no one I've ever known.

At any rate, in the midst of my whining to her, I rapid-fired her the lyrics to a song that became stuck in my head because at least a few of the lines in the song were speaking to my particular issue of the moment. To my horror and her shame - they're the kings of midwestern, 70s-era cock, for crying out loud - she couldn't place the song. So for her edification, here it is...

So here's where the gay part comes in. (I'm just a thousand pounds gay in a dozen different ways. I know this...I embrace it - or at least acknowledge it. But this relates to a really specific example of my gayness.) I love Tommy Shaw. Total man-crush. I've always had it and I'm sure I always will. And I'm not a huge fan of Styx as a whole...just Tommy's stuff. The reasons for this...

a) He rocks. He was always the only decent set of balls that band ever had. Without him, they'd have veered off into concept-album, Broadway-based ridiculousness much sooner than they did.

b) There are certain singers that have this really hard to describe "pure" quality to their vocals. George Harrison had it, Juliana Hatfield has it, David Gilmour, Kim Deal, Serj Tankian and probably a few others I'm forgetting...they all have this quality. And, as you might guess, I believe Tommy Shaw has it as well.

c) He's rock-star-purdy.

I think my disturbing affection for Tommy Shaw kicked into high-gear when I saw him smash a guitar on stage during Styx's very ill-received set at the 1983 Texxas Jam. (Note the "trivia" listed underneath the band lineup listed on the previous link.) He didn't just smash the guitar...he destroyed it. Just gave it hell for a solid minute or so until it was nothing but shrapnel. I learned later, courtesy of VH1's "Behind the Music" episode about Styx, how that particular show was the beginning of the end for the band. Tommy's guitar-smashing tantrum was undoubtedly his way of releasing his frustration and angst from that whole Kilroy Was Here bullshit. And to say that set went over like a lead balloon would be a huge understatement. Literally, half of the Cotton Bowl audience fled in horror during their set. My friend and I were able to move from somewhere in the balconies to about ten feet in front of the stage during that set. Anyway...his histrionics were awesome.

But whatever. Apparently, I'm gay for Tommy Shaw. Sue me. I still think the dude is cool. And I could do worse, right? I mean, at least he's not Rhett Miller or something...

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