We the People of the United States of America...

Bush refuses to waver on Iraq troop plan

"I fully understand they could try to stop me," Bush said of the Democrat-run Congress. "But I've made my decision, and we're going forward."

So there’s our president showing tremendous respect for the checks and balances established in our constitution...the kinds of checks and balances put into place to prevent people like those in his administration from doing the kinds of things they’re doing now...

As the president talked tough, lawmakers pledged to explore ways to stop him.

"We need to look at what options we have available to constrain the president," said Democratic Sen. Barack Obama of Illinois, a possible White House candidate in 2008. Democrats remain wary, though, of appearing unsupportive of American troops.

In other words, Democrats are searching for ways to pander to the lowest common denominator...as they always do. Chickenshits.

A defiant Cheney, meanwhile, said Democrats offered criticism without credible alternatives. He pointedly reminded lawmakers that Bush is commander in chief.

"You cannot run a war by committee," the vice president said of congressional input.

You can’t? I thought that’s what the Defense Department was for. Otherwise, wouldn’t we find ourselves with a little Napoleon running around shooting at everything in sight? Oh, wait...

"Some of my buddies in Texas say, 'You know, let them fight it out. What business is it of ours?'" Bush said of Iraqis. "And that's a temptation that I know a lot of people feel. But if we do not succeed in Iraq, we will leave behind a Middle East which will endanger America."

Yet when asked if he owes the Iraqi people an apology for botching the management of the war, he said, "Not at all. We liberated that country from a tyrant," Bush said. "I think the Iraqi people owe the American people a huge debt of gratitude."

Wow...where to begin. What business is it of ours? Well, technically, it’s not any of our business. Or it wasn’t until we coerced the two sides into fighting each other by taking over and occupying their country and playing each ethnic and religious group against one another. As for the Middle East we will leave behind…I believe the phrase you’re looking for, Mr. President, is ‘hellish quagmire of death, destruction and corruption.’ I don’t know about most folks, but it’s not on my travel itinerary anytime soon. And we have the neo-cons to thank for that.

I’m sure the Iraqi people are still rehearsing their collective ‘thank you’ speech to the United States. ‘Thank you, America, for wantonly killing over a half-million of us in order to steal the oil rights from underneath us. Thank you also for taking the beehive of religious animosity that has existed for centuries and whacking the crap out of it like it was a piñata so that we could have the excuse we’ve all been looking for to start kidnapping and drilling holes into each other’s faces and dumping the bodies out onto the streets for family members to see. Oh, and thank you for methodically destroying what little infrastructure we had, leaving us without water, sanitation or power. Not that we need any of that stuff because we’re all either confined to our homes or afraid to leave them. Thank you, America, for showing us that there can be a hell on earth, that it is much worse than anything we or anyone else ever dreamed of, and that only you are powerful enough to create it for us at will. Because nothing says “the land of the free and the home of the brave” like calculated genocide. You guys are the shit.’

"You don't like to micromanage the Defense Department, but we have to, in this case, because they're not paying attention to the public," said Rep. John Murtha, a Pennsylvania Democrat who helps oversee military funding.

That’s funny. Up until now, I thought we had no control over military funding at all...

"I really am not the kind of guy that sits here and says, 'Oh gosh, I'm worried about my legacy,'" Bush said.

Of course not. That would require introspection, which isn’t possible when you have the Worst Case of ADD The World Has Ever Known. Now sit in your chair and be still.

The president also said he saw part of the Internet-aired video of the execution of Saddam Hussein, which showed some Iraqis taunting Saddam as he stood with a noose around his neck on the gallows. He said it could have been handled a lot better.

Bush said he got no particular satisfaction from seeing Saddam hang. "I'm not a revengeful person," he said.

Aside from the fact that we get an awesome new Bushism in the word “revengeful,” this is the same man who had Saddam in his sights from the moment he took office (“He tried to kill my dad”)...and, as we’ve all seen now, there’s more than a decent amount of evidence to prove that the Bush administration had a regime change plan for Iraq in place since well before 9/11.

All I can say for the president is...dude, eventually, you’re going to have to take cover. Oswald was a patsy, too, and look what happened to him...