thank you, Meester Easter

We're very traditional and pious when it comes to Christian holidays at my folks' house. And this past Easter was no exception.

After leaving milk and cookies on the table the night before for the Easter Fairy, we all woke up early and with much excitement to await the annual resurrection. See, with our family, Jesus comes back to life on Easter morning...at which point we send him off to find all the Easter eggs we'd hidden for him. (You'd think being the son of god would give him some extra skills or something, but it usually takes him a while...and we still end of having to steer him in the direction of a few stragglers. "Warmer, Jesus"..."no, colder"..."warmer, yes"...etc.)

Once he rounds them all up, though, he then gets to tell us how many more weeks of winter we can expect. A late declaration, of course, but this year it worked out well what with the snow and all. (He says it's global warming too, for any of you naysayers.) He added this last bit to the festivities only recently, though, after he saw my niece's holiday confusion from a couple years back (see first image). Being an empathetic dude, after all, he felt badly for her when she went to school in early February and complained that not only did the Easter Bunny not even faintly resemble a bunny, he also knew nothing of colored eggs or chocolate treats. Instead, he just kinda half-heartedly bitched about how bright the sun was, then crawled back down into his hole.

At any rate, Easter Jesus couldn't stay long as he had other children to visit that day, so we spent the remainder of our time engaging in activities that were appropriate to the era of the resurrection: by gorging on a giant purple cake. Actually, only the outside was purple...the inside was alternating layers of yellow and purple goodness. I believe the ingredients were sugar, butter, sugar, food coloring, and sugar. If I laid eggs myself, my guess is they'd come out pretty damn festive looking right about now. (TMI...sorry.)

Please enjoy the before and after photos of the Purple Easter Monstrosity created by my very talented, albeit holiday-challenged niece. I was ready to hurl after dinner...that's how she knew she done good.