Friday, July 14, 2006

I guess I'm old now

I've never watched reality shows. Well, "Miami Ink" is pretty good, but I never remember it's on because it's on some network I always forget about. And Ozzy's show was great for a while. But other than those, I've never had any desire to watch any of them.

Friends I work with are huge "American Idol" and "Rockstar" fans, but I've also never had any desire to watch those shows. Especially because they're music-related. But I have to admit being intrigued by this year's model of "Rockstar." At first, it was only because of Jason Newsted and Tommy Lee (I've always had a soft spot for him even though he's a publicity whore). But it wasn't enough to make me actually want to check out the show. Until I heard last week that one of the contestants is someone for whom I've had serious wood for years....Patrice Pike from Austin (by way of Dallas). I've never cared much for any of her music, really. But she seems very cool as a person, has great tattoos, and is hot. Hot hot hottie hot. She makes me feel squishy.

So while I was puzzled, to say the least, as to why she would become a contestant on the show (maybe she likes Metallica just like I do) given the kind of music she makes, I went from beyond intrigued to actually making the decision to watch an episode. I missed the first show, on which I believe she performed. But I saw the second episode. I didn't think it was possible, but it was actually worse than I'd feared. It was simply flat-out unfuckingwatchable. I couldn't make it through the first half-hour. Everything about it was nauseating. And speaking of publicity whores....Dave Navarro has become the Kathy Griffin of musicians. He used to be so cool. What the fuck happened? Just go away already, dude. We know you're hot. We know you know you're hot. You are a brilliant guitar player....why can't that be enough? Either stick to being a musician or just get it over with and become the center square on some fucking game show. You are repugnant. And that bimbo who hosts the show....she has the personality of a foot stool. Her constant references to all contestants not as musicians or singers but as "rockers"....just gay. Gay in a too-old-person-trying-too-hard-to-be-too-hip kind of way that I fear I'm becoming. Then there's the audience....little teenybopper mall punkers and TRL rejects who react to every comment made by anyone as if they're Republicans at one of Dubya's state of the union addresses. The whole thing is just embarrassing and I have lost the little respect I had for some of the folks involved. And just the idea of turning something that should be a fairly organic process - forming a band - into a fucking reality/game show is distasteful, offensive....I could go on and on (obviously). Now, maybe if this was some boy band thing, I could understand. That "genre" is all about image and presentation, anyway. But this....depressing. And, again, completely unwatchable. I wanted to give my brain an enema afterward.

So am I just a crotchety old geezer now? If so, I honestly don't care. I'll embrace it, actually, if the alternative means enjoying this kind of shit. I'll try and keep up with Patrice online or something, mostly just because I enjoy any opportunity to look at her. But I would sooner throw my TV out the window than have to sit through that show again.

And Newsted....I can understand him leaving Metallica. I would have too if I'd been in his situation. But is this what he had in mind? The last time I saw him was at the Canyon Club, playing bass for Voivod when they opened for Sepultura. If I'd known his next big gig would be this....I guess I would have made my way closer to the stage to point at him and laugh.

So apparently I'm old now. Oh, well.

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